Stop blogging for a month and started again…It's been a hard month, please allow me to rant a bit here, don't know why, there's always something bad, unexpected, moody, hopeless, sinful, shameful, lifeless happened between October and December every year, tired of never ending cycle of life. I ain't demanding, but just a humble wish to have a simple life "a house, a lovely wife and a happy family". Well, maybe some of you have been to that kind of level and yet closing this chapter of life and moving on with another greater chapter of achievement, while your friend here is still finding every pieces to complete the jidgsaw of the picture to move on.

Darn, wonder why guys don't have PMS yet they still have this kind of mood swing, just flame me "A**holes, go out and have some fun and stop rambling here" or "go see a doc you are into depression" or "Stop being an a**holes, go out and meet some new chicks/friends and play with" or "F*ck off, there's many better things to do in life, grow up and learn dude". Better enough?

Let's continue, have you ever felt like you were daydreaming through life? Something is just not right with your existence? Don't know about you, but guess this feeling when something that concern you are not true to yourself. Yourself is yourself, freedom is your freedom, desires is your deepest desires and energy is your life battery. Can I assume that 10 out of 9 people out there do not really know or get in touch about who they are and what they are - INCLUDING YOU?

Let's be truthful now, in fact, we are stepping into reality and this is not matrix world, wait a minute? Are we not in matrix world but as if our minds are being projected with all kind of scenes(materialistic) by those who wish to control us. Why are we downloading all this to our mind? virus, trojan or spyware? If you refrain yourself to believe, and continue to blow your own trumpet, you will have huge dissapointment and continue to bend to their wish until you find yourself wasting your precious life because everything you thought you had disappears - That's when agent Smith erase you from the system.

Some example of downloading process begin polluting your mind:
** Ta Da 1  - Listening to radio and watching TV (Including youtube)
** Ta Da 2  - LV, Gucci, Prada, buying designer clothes
** Ta Da 3  - Celebrities, thinking about models, musicians, actors
** Ta Da 4  - Getting married - Bingo, a lovely wife
** Ta Da 5  - Buying a "yada yada" new car
** Ta Da 6  - Buying your dream house with 30 years loan - Bingo, a house
** Ta Da 7  - Listening to music with ipod?
** Ta Da 8  - Travel to places that you always hoped to
** Ta Da 9  - Thinking about your sports teams - I support "Devil"
** Ta Da 10 - Shopping at Giant perhap? or Carrefour?
** Ta Da 11 -Paying taxes without thinking about it
** Ta Da 12 -Reading the newspaper - Going online perhap? malaysiakini…
** Ta Da 13 -Caring about what is popular and cool - Coolest Gadget, Wii?
** Ta Da 14 -Caring about your hair - Get a stylo fake one at Toy'r us perhap?
** Ta Da 15 -Fearing the police, terrorists, Bersih, the government, Hindraf, SARS, bird flu, flood, stock market downturn and much more…..
** Ta Da 16 -Concern about inflation, petrol price increase, health, fitness and more…
** Ta Da 17 -Concern about you, your spouse, your kid, your neighbour, your friend, your boss, your parent and any other bullshit that has direct or indirect related or hook up by other people with an agenda.

Friend, are you tired? are you tired of being control? Undeniable that you would say "Eh, I Choose to do that and I am in control of my life, my own life". In fact, the reality is that 2% of rich jerks(those who wish to control you) out there are controlling you like a remote control, they know you all too well. You have sex drive, you want food and desire for money, you want protection (not condom) for you friends and family, your need to be a member of superior club not an outsiders. It's too often desires blind people easily, yet they are the best ones used for control, much more easier to those dare devils claiming they are not under control. These people are so mean to their belief, that they are willing to die and die again to protect what they use to believe and learned to be true somehow.

True, throughout my life, I have enroll myself being a slave to serve this society which was designed and created by those who wish to control us. I watched TV (even ASTRO), fantasy myself with stupid shit like "Amber Chia sexy lips" on TV. I thought I was normal "a house, a lovely wife and a happy family", find a  girlfriend and get married, then have kids, buy and live in a house, and get retire someday. I was wrong, wrong that I thought my desired were true, I am in control of my life, it's my life (Bon Jovi), and fulfilling all my wishes. But I was just so damn wrong.

Look, I saw an ads showing on TV, a new posh car, they created a desire, this desire was NEVER meant to exist in the first place. They come out with a new desire as an objective to pollute our mind. It is also an objective to advertising and media to start construction mining into our mind, influence by politics, government and society. Somewhere in my subconcious, I knew, an unclear voice which forbid me to voice out, it's the whole setup feeling that the world was not right and I was "not alive". This is a day I start "daydreaming" again. — the machine start updating their version?

Somehow when I step into the mall, perhap Pavillion, KL, I experienced this phenomenon greatly, sitting at a deserted spot and monitor people around and found myself surrounded by people completely enroll themselves into serving the society with their own culture, shopping endlessly for the best and luxury, thus carrying the luxury designer handbags (not sure replica or not). It was completely a setup. It reminded me that the world I am living is it true or not. Is this where we got to live in, to believe in those who wish to control us?

And who's the matermind(those who wish to control us)? are they aliens, are we really living in the matrix. No it ain't not, what I am talking about is just a simple fact, trading, in order to sell something, it must be bought. In order for someone to buy something, they must exists and they want it. This simple facts have a tremedous effect, that everyday people in their sector of business go out with the goal of creating desire. You give them what they want, they come out with what you want, Yes, they know you want luxury MPV, can carry more people comfortably. Yes, they heard you want this new gadget phone with this god damn features. Yes, yes, yes, oh yea, come on baby they heard it and pleased your pleasure, fulfilled you desire, luring you into their trap and from there they start to propagates, manufacture the luxury MPV and new gadget, open new factory, new highway (toll increased), get government approved new regulations or permits, government and politician need to ensured economic grow and start approve everything that those companies want. Here where the market control us (companies, government and consumer). No one at fault, this phenomenon created itself and instill into our mind and control us to what we are now, materialistic. We falled into miscoded bugs (who's the programmer?) that have infinite loop where we sell each other things that we think we want.

I slowly begun to wake up and move out from this "bugs" (Neo, hacked me out from this system please), but I couldn't because I am still trap deep inside. Not selling my car and quite my job, nor going to changed myself to be another shaolin monk, staying isolated and learning martial arts to be another Jet Li hollywood star. But I wished with this humble newfound of "life bugs", I felt sad deep inside for those that trapped in it. I wish I can shake them out just like the "new OSIM maxtrimmer with those pretties shaking their BOOTY fats out" but I cannot, I can only enjoy the booty shake but not touching it. Foremost, they will die if you invaded their world which they believe is their own reality.

Sometimes I doubt that, did I trap into another "shit" that are isolated from this "sickening world" we are living, feel so isolated as if I am being labelled as another depression guy or cult. But pretty sure that it ensure me not to fall again to another "wants" desire of daydreaming. Nor an eligible superman or heroes, "save the cheerleader, save the world" is not my job or wish and waking everyone from chasing their dreams. I rather not die as a slave, but live free from those who want to control me.

I no longer desire hot gorgeous big boobs wife. I no longer desire to own a big giant house or a posh super luxury expensive car. Daydreaming is enough and maybe those things are stupid from my point of view. Why do I want these high maintained and expensive liabilities? No Thanks. Then, do you think I will work my ass off like a cow in the paddy field for a "promotion or to get the best employee award (RM200 Jusco Coupon?)"? Oh no, f*ck NO.

In fact, an eye for an eye with this newfound "bugs life (not the cartoon, OK!)" is an added advantage for me to share this knowledge and attempt to let others know for benefit of us. Where everything is equally fair, fair in love, war and mind pollution.

I stood up and living in my life, my world and live life up and trying to capture motivation from within the same alike rather than depending from external sources what to buy and what to wear.

Last but not least, I am telling myself to FREE MY MIND. This is the day where I was born again at age 27.